I have guilt!

So it is pretty obvious that I am an incredible lucky little girl, case in point I am sitting in a flat in Oxford right now!! However, it goes further than that. I am preparing to serve a mission for the LDS church, I was able to spend over a year living with my paternal grandparents while going to school in Boston, I worked on a Maya archaeological dig in Belize this summer before backpacking around Guate and Honduras, I have a family that loves and supports me, educational opportunities that seem endless, and a vast network of friends and support. I had a lovely childhood and grew up in a fully functioning family, I am healthy (except for a perpetual case of acne urg!) and mentally stable (a rarity in my field), and have an exceptional extended family of cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents that are always there to support me and take me on exciting adventures. In short I am a remarkable blessed young woman.

This means when I do slip up, even a little, I get incredibly guilty because I have been given so much I should use it to its fullest potential. I am my hardest critic and demand perfection while constantly falling short.

So what is the source of my current guilt you may ask? I didn't have great opportunities for work before coming to England which means I came here with a very small bank account. My parents told me that they would support me so that I could come to Oxford which means to me that I have to live on the strictest budget known to man because in my mind its borrowed money (even though they freely gave it with no thought of return). Anyways I have been doing fairly well on living within my means and found that the lower my bank account was the better I was at avoiding impulse buying and staying within a self created budget. 

Well, my lovely mum kindly put some money into my bank account this week. I immediately transfered most of it to my savings account to save it from my impulses but it seems that was not enough. Today after spending 5 hours in intense study I went out to buy a loaf of bread for lunch. I came back with 2 bags of groceries which is fairly normal and understandable but that wasn't all I brought home... I was on my way to Sainsbury's (the grocery store) when I passed by a store called "Primark". It is known for its cheap yet fashionable clothes and such. I had budgeted for an inexpensive pair of black shoes for Sundays and decided Primark would be a good place to get them. However, after a long internal battle I walked out with 2 shirts, 2 sweaters, a tank top, and the shoes. I spent almost 9x the amount I had originally planned on and am still feeling the guilt for not sticking to the budget. This was the first purchase that was not school, flat, or food related. Hopefully I won't do anything like it again till I am back in the states. To be fair the final total was about 30 pounds so nothing excessive but once again it was not part of the plan.

Why can I not control the impulse buying... not that's not quite right because I really liked everything and it looks good so I think its more a matter of - why do I not have the self control I want yet? 

Here's a Question for all you Fantastic Bloggers!

Hey guys-

I will be sure to start blogging again soon, a lot has been happening lately so I am a little behind. However, I have a quick question for now. A bunch of you have a side link to blogger friends where I can click and find the blogs of all sorts of old friends. Even my sister has me as a blogger friend. So how do I create a blogger friend link so I can stop navigating to all of your sites off of Diane's blog (luv ya Diane ;) ) ?

Oh and someone said something about google analytics or something which told them who was visiting their blog - what in the world?! How do I access that?

Now I could just go ahead and watch all the tutorials and really figure this all out but who has the time for that??

U 164

I finally found my way inside of the Bodleian Library to the Upper Reading Room and have decided that whenever possible I shall now study in number U164. It is in the laptop friendly zone, at the end of the row, and is across from a window that looks out over some of the historical buildings of Oxford. I imagine the view from this window has had only minor changes in the last 300 years or so.

So for some reason I find this library very entertaining. For starters I had to take a pledge before they would give me a library card which is called The Bodleian Declaration "I hereby undertake not to remove from the Library, or to mark, deface, or injure in any way, any volume, document, or other object belonging to it or in its custody; not to bring into the Library or kindle therein any fire or flame, and not to smoke in the Library; and I promise to obey all the rules of the Library." 

Then at every seat there is posted a guidelines for readers page"

Please

-ask a member of staff should you require assistance

-behave considerately towards staff and other library users

-do not consume food or drink of any kind in the Library

-switch off your mobile phone and personal stereo

-observe the silent study rule

-note it is forbidden to use cameras and copying devices

-use Library computers only for searching catalogues, databases and the Internet

For further guidance on the Library's regulations consult A General Guide to the Bodleian Library and its Dependent LIbraries

There is also posted a Handling and Caring for Library Material page"

To ensure that the material you are using remains available to other readers please

-handle library material with clean hands

-remove and replace books on shelves as shown

-close books not in use and never put open books face down

-hold an open book in two hands and never fold the cover back on itself

-rest books on foam supports if they are available

-use bookmarks instead of turning down the corners of pages

-make notes on paper laid on the surface of the table

-unfold and refold maps and fold-outs carefully - if unsure consult staff

-notify staff if the book you are using has uncut pages

-remember that writing in or mutilating library material is a punishable offence

For further guidance on handling and caring for library material visit http://www.bodley.ox.ac.uk/dept/preservation

So looks like the guys here take their books pretty seriously! 

A Very Crazy Weekend

wow. I am so tired. if this post doesn't make complete sense keep that in mind.

So the weekend all started on Friday. It was the first day where we had no orientation and I decided to take full advantage of it by being completely lazy. I sat in my bed and watched West Wing, staying in the apartment, called my parents on Skype to catch up, and other slow and lazy activities. I had heard there was a multistake dance that night at my stake center but since I had problems arranging a ride to Institute I didn't want the hassle and had already said I wouldn't be going. 

Then about 5:45 pm my friend Ruth called me from the local YSA on her way home from work. She lives literally three streets over from me, is an American, and went to BYU for her undergraduate. Ruth told me that her friend Tom was giving her a ride and could give me one as well if (1) i didn't mind going early and participating in the stake choir practice for stake conference and (2) i could be ready in exactly an hour. 

Now I am not a hugely extroverted person and I don't mind going out dancing with a few friends because I know well stay close, but a huge stake dance where I know 3 people out of 500 (so I know .6% people there) is quite a daunting invitation. But then again someone had specifically called me and so I agreed - here is where the overwhelming, and exciting madness of my weekend began. 

I loved stake choir with this amazing Scottish choir director who's name is Sister McCluckie. Then the dance started. It was so much fun. Because choir practice got out late it was in full swing when I entered the lobby. Right away I was pulled around to be introduced to people and immediately started noticing differences between the UK and America. In Utah when you are introduced to someone at a dance at the first initial meeting you are expected to make anywhere from 30 seconds to 4 minutes of small talk. In the UK its at least 4 minutes, if not more, which means you really get to know the people. Also there are no gaps between songs and no slow songs so when you are dancing you are dancing and when you are in the lobby you are talking and making introductions - you don't have to try and talk over the music that way. 

The dance ended a little past midnight and then it got even stranger. No one left. I mean the leaders kept asking everyone to leave so they could lock up and go home but no one did! It was the slowest exit I have ever seen. It took a solid hour to get everyone out of the building. One of the kids in my car was in charge of locking up the car park so I was very excited to finally be leaving the building at 1 am to go when I got to the parking lot - no one had left yet, they had all just gone to the parking lot!! We finally got out about 1:30 am. That's when everyone in my group decided they were hungry so we went in search of food, a sort of traditional past 1 am kabob run - all the rage in the English youth.

Finally after the kabob fill (of which i had none - I didn't bring any money. I have been having problems with the ATM's so tomorrow I will have to go inside a bank and talk to a human about it) we headed home. I literally walked through the door at 3 am. Luckily the next day I had nothing planned but school work so I finally slept in. When I finally got up I was very good about settling down and doing my school work. 

Turns out on Saturday we had the adult session of stake conference where the choir would be singing a number. So I got up at 11 and ended up back on the road back to Reading by 5 pm. Sang in the choir, was uplifted by the messages, and then it was over by 9. Now if we had left right away I could have been home by 10, but no such luck. 

To be fair I did stay and talk to many people. I needed to talk to the clerk about my records being transfered, I needed to talk to the stake executive secretary about the timeline for my mission papers, there was a lot of business to accomplish. And then the introductions started again. An hour later we were still at the church. It was decided we should get food and then go home. Having learned from the previous night I recommended we go somewhere fast and cheap and then go home quickly. Everyone agreed. But of course, it didn't quite work out that way.

We ended up going to a guy named  Keith's house that I had met that night. His mom made us a wonder and healthy salad for dinner and ice cream with cherries for dessert. An excellent meal, but not quick! After we were done eating I fully expected everyone to get up and disperse back to where we all came from, especially since many of us had to be back at the stake center at 8:15 the next morning. Nope.

Finally around 1 or 2 am it was decided we would all stay at Keith's house. I was utterly unprepared for such a stay but some of the other girls were very accommodating and let me borrow some clothes for the next day. Anyway, some how it all worked out and the choir was beautiful and the meeting was once again inspiring and uplifting and about the goals for the stake. 

After the meeting was over i was invited to stay for another young single adult which I, hopefully politely, declined. I am finding the YSA have a pattern of looong activities and I don't think I could handle another one this weekend.

So the end result - I love the YSA here, they are incredibly friendly and jovial but it is a big time investment to hang out with them. So it looks like I shall have to find moderation in all things.

Someone remind me in a few days to blog on the walkways of England - its amazing! I just found out that the path that goes behind my house goes all the way to London!!

Where I Live - Part 2

So this is my kitchen - we have found that we can have 2 people cooking at the same time and its possible for 3 of us but just barely. 

I just wanted to show off my washer/dryer. It fits about half a U.S. load and it takes about 2 hours to "dry". After it is done "drying" the clothes we take them out and hang them up in the bathroom to truly dry for 2 days. Hopefully when the weather warms up we can hang them up outside and have them dry in a day! 

This is our fridge and our freezer. The freezer is completely full with our British flatmates food so all of our food must be in the fridge and since there are 4 of us using it we have to go to the grocery store every 3 days or so.

This is my lovely roommate Mary from New York and our living room. OSAP (Oxford Study Abroad Programme) provides for us the computer and the TV. The other day Mary and Colleen had some of the guys at OSAP that live in a different flat over to for dinner and we couldn't figure out how to even turn on the TV for a good 5 minutes. Odd instruction/settings are also on the washer and oven... good Olde England.

The next few photos are taken from the road I walk to get to town - I live at the end of a dead end street right next to the railroad tracks.

This is a child's day care I pass right after the bridge. They have about 30 kids from ages 3 months to 5 years. It is really fun to watch them be picked up at night. Less than half of the parents come in cars, the rest come on bicycles with car seats on the back :)

This is a truly rare sight - blue sky. I took all of these pictures because of it

Alright so that's where I live!!

Where I Live - Part 1

In order to support my loyal followers, a.k.a. Mari and Alex, I took a few minutes today to take some photos of my flat and some of the surrounding views. I haven't taken any photos of Oxford Central but that will be something to look forward to :)

So I live in flat 87

on the top floor

of Venneit Close - it has its own post code

I decided that I wanted you to see how I really live so I decided not to clean up my space before taking the picture. This is it. I get the bed, desk, 3 drawers and half of the closet behind me. The desk is broken right now, 2 of the drawers are at least. I am still looking for some crazy glue or some duct tape to fix it. Don't worry - I'll clean it up tomorrow...

I wanted you to see where the bathroom is so you can understand something about my flat. We have 2 bathrooms. The first one is the door in the background that is a private bathroom for me and my roommate Mary. It has a shower, toilet, and sink but not much else. However, it is pretty clean and has very little mold. The other bathroom is off of the main hallway and it is shared with my two other flatmates and any guests we have over.

this is in the other bathroom - the black gunk is mold, and there is plenty to go around in there -yuck!

This is the view from the balcony outside of my room that I keep bragging about. There is a small canal then a gravel bike path and then the river. On the other side of the river are grassy wild-lands where birds like to land. When the sun sets at night it turns the river a deep orange and red and the trees become black silhouettes, with the calls of the birds filling the air as they settle for the night. In the distant background you can hear the bells from Oxford chiming the time and this serenity is only broken periodically by the soft rattle of the trains entering and exiting the station on the other side of our flat. 

During the day, especially on the weekends you will see entire families on their bikes going along the path and enjoying the fresh air. And during the mornings on my way to school I see the different colleges' rowing teams practicing and getting in shape so the best of the best will be prepared when it is time to race Cambridge on that very same river in the late spring. 

I love this view so much it deserves two photos!

This is the view of the railroad station from our living room window. The tower on the left is where the bells are that I mentioned. 

With so many photos in one blog not only is this taking some time to put together but I am also getting nervous about doing all this work and then having it not post properly. So I have decided to split this blog into 2 parts. This then is the end of Where I Live part 1.

A New Year is Here at Last... We'll See What It Brings 01-01-2009

This last year found me in quite the adventure. I lived in Cohasset, MA with my grandparents, I went to Belize for 3 weeks to work on a Maya archaeological dig, I backpacked around Guatemala and Honduras for a week, helped start a new singles unit in my stake ("the twig"), lived with my great aunt for a time, got accepted into a semester abroad at Oxford, and traveled all over New England.

Usually on New Year's Eve I like to drive around and visit some of the places where my memories took place that year. This tradition made last night very hard for me. The few memories of Utah I have for this year I did not want to revisit, and the memories I have of New England I have been visiting since I got here. So instead I got my traditional Green Apple Jones soda and drove around to some memories two or three years old.

In some aspects I like living the life of a nomad. I get to meet all sorts of new people and friends. I have exciting adventures left and right. Rack up all sorts of new stories to share. But it does make coming home kind of hard. I always think of home as this static place in my mind that doesn't change. A constant in my inconstant life. Its always a rude awakening to find how completely wrong I am. Friends have come and gone, friends dating, friends getting married, friends pasted on - and every new bit of news stabs me because I forgot how volatile every place is in the world, including home.

This new year will continue much the same as the last in the nomadic tradition. I leave in less than a week for England where I will stay until late April. Then I shall return to Cohasset, MA to wrap up my life there and prepare for my sister and her family to move into my old house. After that back to Utah to spend my birthday (finally 21!!!) with family and friends. Probably with a quick trip to California shoved in there and finally, hopefully, most likely, I will then be leaving for an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. So lots to look forward to!

A Day in the Life of... Me 23-12-2008

I am new to the whole blogging/web pages world but a good friend of mine convinced me that it would be the best way for everyone to keep up with me as I begin to travel the world. I am currently on my way to Salt Lake City and in a few weeks I will be heading to a semester abroad at Oxford!

Please be patient with me as I learn the ropes of this big, new, world!

Why the move

Hey Folks!

So I was publishing a blog through my mac but I didn't like how that was working out because there was no way for any friends of family to leave any feedback. I am new to blogging so I need the feedback to (1) make sure someone out there is actually reading this stuff and (2) I want to figure out what is interesting to everyone else. I mean I will definitely tell you all about what is interesting and striking to me, but after I am done with a New England hot dog rant I might need a gentle push to a new subject :)

I have made it to England now and have moved into my flat. I have 3 flatmates one of which is my roommate - Mary. She is from New York and an awesome person! I also have a flatmate named Colleen from Cleveland. Currently she is sitting outside hoping that her luggage will be delivered tonight because the airlines lost her luggage and she has been here almost a week now. The final flatmate is Kiren, a British girl who is currently working on her masters at a college in Leeds, England. 

Our flat is nestled in between the railroad station and the river. It has so much charm even though it is modern. Outside on our balcony I can look out on a small gravel bike path that barely separated the Oxford canal from the river and beyond the river there are grassy wild-lands where birds like to rest. Lots of trees line the river and all this is situated in the perfect position for the sunset. When the sun goes down it turns the river red and the skies purple. 

The mornings are met with a healthy dosage of fog and the sound of the morning trains on their way to London and other destinations all over Britain. The train tracks cut off our apartment from the rest of Oxford which can sometimes seem inconvenient but it also makes it a very peaceful and safe area. It also makes travel very easy, no need for a cab at the end of your journey just pop on down to the end of the block and there's your bed! 

I am officially an associate member of New College, whose name is something of a misnomer. New College was established 1379 and is one of the oldest colleges in Oxford. It is also incredibly beautiful - if you want to imagine what it is like think Harry Potter. In fact Harry Potter wanted to use the New College Dining Hall for the film but New College turned them down because of the inconvenienced and offered instead the use of the cloisters which is where Malfroy was turned into a ferret. In fact, if I want to go to  the evening dinner I must wear my academic robes over my civilian clothing which makes it all look even more like Harry Potter. 

Harry Potter aside New College is one of the most respected colleges and is one of the top three of Oxford. With so much prestige it would be an intimidating college to study at, intimidating until you enter within its postcard perfect walls. Inside the commons room you would find pool tables, a wii, televisions, and vending machines. In a different corridor there is a bar for students surrounded by arcade games and students walking around in pajamas or sweat pants. It seems, it doesn't matter where you study students are students everywhere. 

I guess this will be enough for my first post. Later I will try and copy and paste some of my posts from the last site in. Laters!